Friday, January 6, 2012


How bad are the Flames in Calgary? Bad enough that the fans have declared a State of Emergency. How bad are things in Calgary? Bad enough to get me to come out of hibernation and write on the comical misfits of the NHL team known as the Calgary Flames; or I affectionately know them, the Keystone Cops.

Seriously, I was pretty much determined never to write again, and most of the people in Calgary think that is a good thing. What finally got me out of hiding is that no team can be this bad without me addressing it. What make me laugh most of all is remembering the words of Jay Feaster saying that the Flames were good enough to make the playoffs. Now I can just hear him saying "I was misquoted," claiming insanity, that he did not know what he was saying, that didn’t even know what he was doing.

Before everyone says it is because of injuries, let me say this: Thbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttttt! Get over it. The Flames are just — well, in a word — awful. To the point that it is comical to watch them. Someone needs to tell the Flames' defense to maybe try to pass to their teammates. Of course, it might help if the forwards could try to see if someone is behind then when doiing a back pass. Make sure that someone is there to receive the said back pass. These hints may be very easy to understand, but the Flames don’t seem to understand the basic principal. Yes, Butler was a -7 against the Bruins, but guess what? He was not responsible for all of the goals. Far from it, there were five Keystone Cops with him. Maybe the Flames don’t understand the rules, that the team with the most goals wins. Maybe someone sent a memo on Thursday that the rules have changed.

The forwards seem to think that the puck comes right to them because they want it to. They seem to think that they don’t have to skate hard, because the other team will feel sorry for them. Well actually, the Bruins did feel sorry for them, after they scored nine goals. Irving should have sued his teammates for stupidity. Rumour has it that Kipper was caught trying to escape the arena when Irving was pulled. I do not think he was too excited about coming into that game. Oh, and could someone please take time to explain to Olli that there are more players on the ice than just Iggy. Olli seems to think Iggy can’t live until he scores his 500th goal. He is trying to make sure Iggy gets it at all costs, whether the Flames win or not. So I guess the Flames will lose, until Olli can get Iggy his 500th goal. Hence, Flames 0 and Boston a whole lot more than that. Kipper and Irving are casting lots to see who is in net Saturday. The loser plays and the winner sits on the bench and laughs at him. Irving seem to be winning at this game. Maybe the dice is loaded.

In other news, the Flames have decided that Brent Sutter is not to blame here, thus making it known that the players are totally brainless. For some reason, Feaster is not having much luck trading with any of other teams, who seem to have picked up on the message, and they are not so eager to deal with the Flames.

Which pretty much means we are in a Catch 22. We can keep blaming our players, which is good, then we know who is at fault. The problem is, every other team knows it too, making kind of hard for the Flames to improve the Keystone Cops.

So we now wait to see if Feaster has hired someone yet to hypnotize all the other 30 General Managers in the League. So now we wait, and hope for the best. Ya right — we are doomed.


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Flames Jambalaya is in no way, shape or form associated with the Calgary Flames Hockey Club or the AHL affiliate, the Abbotsford Heat. This is a fans blog for fans. We just happen to love the Flames, so we write about it.